Catch 22

Friday Sep 16th 2005

Bad news hit today concerning the house sale/purchase thing. This is going to be a really lengthy post.

Situation is as follows: Buyer decided to buy this house a while ago, however, buyer is now threatening to balk according to the realtor which means the closing may not happen. I can’t specifically list the reasons why the buyer might balk, but I can say it has absolutely nothing to do with Pop or myself whatsoever. If the closing does not occur on the date the realtor stated it would, he will be in breach of contract. If that happens, legal steps will need to be taken by Pop in order to make everything right. The only problem is that legal things just take a really long time, and to be blunt honest - I don’t have the time to wait.

That being said, it’s time for Plan B.

Plan B is that instead of moving into a new house, move into an apartment instead - solo. While it will prove to be a pain to some degree and bang me up fiscally, the personal freedom gained is worth it. The ends justify the means.

When Pop told me the news about the possible buyer balk I got real pissed off… not at him obviously, but at the buyer. After a few hours I calmed down and then explained to him Plan B as outlined above. He was obviously not too happy about it. From his perspective, he’s 70 years old and will lose the last person who could take care of him.

I constantly wrestle over what’s better for the family and what’s better for myself.

Consider the following:

–

I’m 30 years old.

I’ve been living at home all my life (forced because of fiscal reasons, keep reading). Some would say “You should stay at home and take care of your father”. Others would say “You’re still at home?! What the frig is your problem?!” Your answer depends what side of the fence you’re on concerning your own parents. The funny part is that both answers are correct.

Almost all my friends have been living on their own for years. And yes, that does count.

My father is the master of the guilt trip like many other parents are. When you accuse a parent of guilt tripping you they always deny it. Pop is no different.

“You go on ahead, son. I’ll… I’ll be okay. I’ll manage somehow.”

“Pop, stop with the fucking guilt trip.”

“What guilt trip? It’s just how I feel.”

ARRRRRGHGGHHGHHHH…

My father is also the best dad in the world. He would do anything for his son.

If I want any type of decent job here in Connecticut, I have to travel at least an hour to get to it. Several ex-girlfriends (of whom I’m friends with now) all remember massaging the knots out of my back from the morning/evening commute, particularly the one that was under the right shoulder cuff the size of a golf ball (or at least felt like it).

Connecticut is one of the most expensive states to live in.

If I stay here, I will crushed by debt. Note I didn’t say might be crushed, I will be crushed.

Pop is more than capable of taking care of himself. He’s not senile by any stretch of the imagination and is able. His finances will permit him to live comfortably. He has income. I don’t at present.

–

So what do you do.

If I leave, I’m “abandoning” my family - and if anything happened to Pop after I leave, it’s my fault.

If I stay, my fiscal status would be ruined in less than a year. Sure, Pop would be fine, but I’m stuck in Connecticut. Alone and miserable. Inevitably I would be stuck here with no way out for a long time.

So what do you do.

I have had lengthy discussions with this with my friends. All of them have said the same thing.

“Well… he is your dad, but, you have a life, too.” More on that in a moment.

Over the years I have been both chastised and praised for staying here as long as I have. Some thought I stayed here because I didn’t have the wherewithal to strike out on my own - which is completely untrue. Were that the case I never would have tried to leave in the past.

For eight years I’ve been trying to move out.

In the first few years, my ex-fiancee absolutely bled me dry financially and it took me a long time to recover. There was absolutely no moving going on at that time. It just wasn’t fiscally possible.

After I recovered I decided to try to run a business. It was successful to a degree but not enough to move. My finances took a beating for that, but I considered it valuable experience gained which I still use to this day.

After that, I got another job and set out on a mission to pay off all debts I possibly could with the intention of moving after reaching zero. All student loans for college were paid off. I paid off a car. All the rest I blasted towards my credit card and did really well. All this took years to accomplish.

The last job I had darn near killed me mentally and I had to quit. My debt-crushing mission had to be put on hold.

But…

I have the opportunity right now to move. When fortune smiled and it looked like the house was going to get sold, that was great. It meant I could move without feeling guilty about leaving Pop behind, but with this buyer balk I’m put in a heart wrenching situation. Stay or go?

No matter what choice I make, I’m darned if I move, darned if I don’t. The family, even though they understand why, would not prefer it if I moved. If I stay, I’m financially ruined in a short period of time and my life is miserable.

If the buyer balks for real, I have to go. I’m ruined otherwise.

– edit –

One more tidbit of info:

Leaving does not mean no one will check on him (as in visiting the house). There are friends of the family here who do that already.