Archive for May, 2005


Diary of a madman

5/7/2005

Some of my favorite Ozzy Osbourne quotes.

“I hate these fucking stretch bastards junk pimp mobiles!”

“Every year I hear metal is dying. It’s been dying since fucking 1978!”

“My mother was an amateur singer, my father was an amateur drunk.”

“I’m not picking up dog shit. I’m a rock star.”

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Masochist Television and The Hitler Channel

5/7/2005

My cold came back for Round 2 today so I’ve been sick most of the day. As I write this I’m bleary-eyed and have some sinus pressure. Ick. For the last few hours I haven’t been able to do much of anything so I watched some cable television.

First: MTV. Why I watched Masochist Music Television I have no idea. Today’s broadcast included many episodes of Inferno 2, and of course no music. At all. This show is one of those “pretty people playing games” kind of shows. All the girls are thin and perfect looking. All the men are chock full of machismo. All “participants” on the show are only on the show for one reason and one reason only: They look great and love to argue.. and they do that quite a bit. Ah, to be in your 20’s and perfect looking. Must be wonderful. Oh, and let’s not forget - one flaming gay guy. MTV always makes sure to have at least one flaming gay guy in any reality-type show they do. This one is no exception.

Second: The Hitler History Channel. After getting real sick of watching Inferno 2 - which didn’t take long - I flipped a few channels to The History Channel. Guess what was on. Hitler. It’s always Hitler. Seriously. Go to History Channel at any given point in a daily broadcast and Hitler will be there. Hitler this. Hitler that.

Small sidenote: Just in case you don’t believe that History Channel is all about Hitler, check this out (actual broadcast schedule for EST):

Friday May 6 7PM “Modern Marvels: SHERMAN TANKS”
Friday May 6 8PM “The Last Days of WWII”
Saturday May 7 7PM “The SS : Power Struggle”
Saturday May 7 8PM “The SS : Himmler’s Mania”

Sheezis. Hitler Hitler Hitler. Okay, we get the point. He was an awful human being bent on power and corruption and mass murdered innocent souls left and right. We all know this, BUT.. History is not just about HITLER, thank you very much. Can’t we discuss more pleasant things that happened in Germany, like the fall of the Berlin Wall or the VW Beetle? It’s just sad.

Anyway, so I decided to watch Hitler. I watched for about an hour. This particular episode was about the “The Order of the Death’s Head” Schutzstaffeln (that’s “SS” by the way,) which were the primary instruments of mass genocide. Scary. It convinced me to never ever get anything that displays a skull/crossbones logo on it ever again.

I finished watching MTV and The History Channel and then had a moment of realization sprinkled with a touch of the surreal: I had in effect watched two different reality shows. One that concentrated on modern pretty people with problems. The other focused on mass deaths that happened decades before I was born.

MTV depicts perfect plastic people with trite arguments that mean nothing - but they look good doing it. We say we hate that kind of television but watch it anyway, like a subconscious desire to be part of a perfect world where everyone looks great.

The History Channel depicts the SS “cleansing” society to make way for a perfect “master race”.

Whoa.

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Crossing a finish line of tears

5/8/2005

I have been sniffling and wheezing all frickin’ day. Ugh. My right eye had tears coming out of it for the majority of the day as well. Nevertheless, I had to get my biz site done for the upcoming ad campaign which will start this Tuesday. Unfortunately I had to do a few quick-fix things because I simply ran out of time (and energy) and will be going to bed very shortly, but, it is done. I would have gotten this done yesterday but I was just too sick to think. I’m prayin’ to God that this cold will be over tomorrow, because doing a job like help desk in the wrong frame of mind/body is not a good combination.. at all.

So, off to bed I go. zz-z-zzz-z-zzz..

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Why me.. part 5 (or ”Yes, it really was your damn fault”)

5/9/2005

(part 4)

We last left our hero (yours truly) still trying to convince the veep of internet operations that the reason the b2b submit button did not exist was because of the web site’s fault. Our hero used his secret weapon and sent screen shots from LINUX proving once and for all it was the web site - AND NOT WINDOWS - that was the culprit..

(insert dramatic music here..)

Success! The veep is finally convinced that it in fact IS his stupid web site’s fault. I received this e-mail today:

Thank you for all your time, patience and assistance. We have isolated the issue and it is resolved. When you first attempt to post a b2b ad, our guidelines pop-up and you must agree to them. Somehow, in your situation, your answer was not recorded (yes or no) and it interfered with it attempting to show you the guidelines again. This issue is now resolved. I appreciate your perseverance and have given you a complimentary four week subscription for all your help. Have a great day and should you have anyfurther difficulties, please let me know.

Grace and Peace be with you,
Steve

Well I’ll be. The guy finally FIGURED OUT it was his darn fault - as it was all along, and I knew that.

This took a grand total of about two darn weeks to get this guy to admit his site was at fault.

Couldn’t care less about the “complementary subscription”. The fact of the matter is: I WAS RIGHT. Boo-yah.

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Plug, unplug, repeat

5/10/2005

I’m fast finding out that unplugging the AC Adapter along with my USB mouse and taking them with me every time I take the laptop somewhere is a severe pain in the ass. So I’m going to bite the bullet and buy a second AC Adapter and mouse. The mouse I can get cheap at Wal-Mart (I just don’t like using the touchpad). The adapter I’ll have to buy through Dell. Price: 29 bucks with $5.50 shipping for a total of $34.50. darn is that expensive, but, it’s proprietary to the unit so I have to get it from Dell. Ugh.

I might actually go for one of those mini-mice. It does fit better in the laptop bag. The cord is shorter, too. Better yet, I could get a Bluetooth wireless mouse (ooh ahh). I wonder if it will need a battery or not. The whole reason I don’t use wireless mice now is because of the stupid battery. Hm. I’ll have to check that out.

–edit–

Yes, the wireless still needs batteries. Blah. Guess I’ll go corded.

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No, it’s not my car :-)

5/10/2005

firebird.jpg

I’ve been banging around the idea of getting another car again. Since I sold the truck I’m now a one-vehicle owner. Previous to that (since 1998 actually) I’ve always had two cars. And as I’ve said before, anyone can own two vehicles. It’s really easy and you don’t have to be wealthy. For some reason people think you have to be loaded to have two vehicles. No, you don’t, but, you do need a space to park it. Fortunately, I do. ;-)

But anyway,

The car shown above is an actual shot of a car for sale. It’s a 1997 Pontiac Firebird. Purple is not my color of choice; the image is just for example. What will amaze you is the price: $4500, for a ‘97.

Seems the gas crunch is really hitting people hard who are trying to sell sports cars, and I may cash in on it. I would like a secondary vehicle that looks nice, drives well and has a bit of sport to it. The Firebird definitely fits the bill. Although I wouldn’t spend $4500 (too much for secondary car,) I would do $3000… maybe. It depends.

I said before I was possibly going to look into getting a “beater” car, but after thinking about it.. nah. If I’m going to get something as a secondary, it should be nice looking. As long as it gets around 22mpg, that is more than enough considering it’s going to be for around-town driving mostly.

In a few months the credit card will be paid off (FINALLY). Maybe a Firebird is in my future? Maybe. Then again, maybe not. I don’t like the idea of paying extra insurance each month.

However..

You do only live once, and I did own a Camaro before and really liked it. As materialistic as this sounds, life is way to short to go through it driving a crappy car. Now while it’s true I have a decent truck to toot around in these days, Firebirds are just plain cool.. at least I think they are. And I miss driving a sports car, or in this case a “sporty” car (it’s only a V6).

The car may or may not happen. Finances will dictate the future on that front. :-)

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MovableType plugin hack

5/11/2005

I’m still recovering from a cold as I write this.. ugh. Oh, and fair warning: This is a MT geekoid post, but I figured it would be useful to some out there.

Before I moved this blog from my previous domain I had a lot of problems with comment and trackback spam.

The comment spam was easy to fix. You rename the mt-comments.cgi to something else, like mt-comments_XrT.cgi or whatever, then modify your mt.cfg to reflect the newly named file. In the mt.cfg there’s a line that states:

#CommentScript mt-comments.cgi

Once you rename mt-comments.cgi to something else, remove the # and change to:

CommentScript mt-comments_XrT.cgi

..or whatever you named it to. Save the file, logout/login to MT, rebuild the site. Done deal. When the spam comes back, rename it again, modify MT again, rebuild. Not a big deal really.

Even though I got the comment spam out of there, comments were still enabled for really old entries. I did some scoping around and found MTCloseComments, which works well. It “expires” the ability to post comments after x days old (whatever you specify).

My brain started working on this one.

“I bet I can get this script to stop accepting pings for entries after a certain date also.”

I opened up the script and looked at it. I found that it specifically touches the entry_alllow_comments part of mt_entry in the MySQL database and simply changes the value from “1″ (open) to “2″ (closed) combined with some math to know when to close comments for each entry.

So I hacked it. I made my own version called MTClosePings. Basically, I did the following:

1) Changed any instance of “CloseComments” to “ClosePings”.

2) Instead of having the script modify entry_allow_comments, I had it modify entry_allow_pings instead. Just like the original changes entry_allow_comments from “2″ to “1″, I had this one change entry_allow_pings from “1″ to “0″.

3) Kept everything else the same, except for renaming the file MTClosePings.pl.

Uploaded it, tested it.

Wah-lah, it worked. I added the code to my main template file to “expire” (as in take away) the ability to ping entries over 10 days old. Works like a charm. Upload, modify template, rebuild. Done deal.

Download the script if you like. Use it exactly like MTCloseComments, except use code as MTClosePings instead of MTCloseComments (obviously). This is tested with MT v3.16, I don’t know if it works with older versions or not.

Big thanks to Alan M. Carroll for writing the original!

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I may have been born yesterday, but…

5/12/2005

Unfortunately I was a TAXI member at one point in time. Yes, I got suckered in by the sales pitch, spent several hundred dollars and got two things: Jack and Shit, and Jack left town. TAXI is a stupid worthless “service”, if you can call it that.

TAXI every so often will spew out something to try to get you to buy their lame service. Here’s an e-mail I got today. And no, it’s not a spam - this is an actual sales pitch by TAXI:

THE $405,000 MISTAKE
THAT SAVES YOU TONS OF MONEY

(Sorry to say, this is a TRUE story!)

Dear Passengers,

Frankly, I’m embarrassed to even tell you this story. But in the end, it DOES benefit you, so I might as well spill the beans.

The person who was in charge of sending out TAXI renewal notices for nearly two years was either tremendously stupid or just plain lazy. I’m putting my money on lazy!

One of her jobs was to search our database for all the people whose memberships were about to run out every month, and send them renewal notices.

After she left TAXI to go back to college, the person who replaced her discovered that she wasn’t sending out notices to ALL the people who should have received them — just SOME of them. In fact, she didn’t increase the number of renewal forms we ordered so we could keep up with the ever-increasing numbers of people who would need them.

The result? She had to be printing out several hundred MORE mailing labels each month than we had forms to put them on. She HAD to be throwing out hundreds of labels per month for nearly two years!

When we did the math, we realized that her laziness cost TAXI more than $405,000 in renewals over time. What was even more disturbing to me was how the members must have felt not even being ASKED to be part of TAXI for another year.

We’ve tried to figure out exactly who GOT the forms and who DIDN’T, but in the end, it was impossible to know for sure.

My solution? To offer the same STEEP discount to ALL the people on the list whether they truly qualify for it or not. This seems like the only fair way to deal with the problem.

What makes it even MORE advantageous for you is that we are seriously thinking about raising the renewal rate to $229 this year — we’ve had the $199.95 rate in place for nearly 13 years, and have not raised the price even though our expenses have gone up year after year.

Your price to renew right now? Just $199.95!

That’s the price we offer our members who renew before their existing membership runs out. Thanks to Little Miss “I don’t give a darn,” you just saved $100.

Oh well . . . no biggie, I’d really like to see you come back. If for no other reason, you can still get TWO FREE tickets to this year’s Road Rally — our members-only convention coming up in just a few short months.

We’re moving the Rally to the same hotel that houses the Hollywood Rich and Famous for the Oscars, so it’s going to be better than ever. The ballroom we’ll be using is the very same room they use for the Governor’s Ball after the Oscars are given out!

You’ll be right in the heart of Hollywood this year instead of our usual airport hotel location.

Wait till you see the rooms you’ll be staying in — they’re awesome!

But you know what? The best reason of all to come back to TAXI isn’t just the glitz and glamour of coming to a convention in the heart of Hollywood. In the end, it’s about your needs.

Do you need to move forward with your music?

Do you need to have us help you make the connections you don’t have time to make yourself?

Do you need feedback from our industry pros?

And the one question I’m dying to know the answer to: What have you done with your music since your TAXI membership ran out?

Success in the music industry rarely comes from a one-shot effort. Are you continuing to work on getting your music heard by people who can make things happen for you? If the answer is “No,” then why not?

Sure, I’d like to see you renew your membership, but TAXI may not be what you need right now. Whatever it is, I encourage you to NOT let your dreams die. Stay active. Hire a coach. Find a co-writer. Send us your guitar/vocal demos and let us help you determine which of your songs are the ones worth finishing.

If you DO decide to take advantage of my offer to renew for just $199.95, please click this link:

[link removed]

to join online before May 20, 2005.

You can also join by phone. Simply call our toll-free number [phone removed] and say “I’m an inactive member who wants to take advantage of Michael’s special offer for inactive members.”

I look forward to working with you again!

Warm regards,

Michael

Okay “Michael”, you’re an idiot for several reasons:

1) It puts a real warm feeling in my heart (said sarcastically) that you employ stupid people. Why in God’s name would I pay for a service that is KNOWN TO EMPLOY LAZY IDIOTS?

2) She “went back to college”? That means you’re hiring STUPID COLLEGE INTERNS handling MY ACCOUNT INFORMATION?!

3) You ADMIT that you don’t “know for sure” how hundreds, possibly THOUSANDS of accounts were handled?

4) You’re considering RAISING YOUR RATES when your company makes hundreds of thousands of dollars ALREADY? I guess you must LOVE ripping people off and will SOAK people for every cent they’re worth!

“Michael”, you’ve sent out what has got to be one of the absolute worst sales pitches in known history.

“Yes! Sign up with us! We hire college intern retards who lose your information and couldn’t give a shit whether you exist or not! And we’ll continue to do so! We openly admit we fumble information, and gladly do so just to take more money from you later, claiming a big mistake! (Oh boo hoo, sorry we screwed you!) We’re stupid! We admit it! Give us your money!”

No thanks.

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M

5/12/2005

I don’t know why but I find this cartoon very amusing. It’s simply entitled “M”.

Watch it

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Crackin’ the Inspiron

5/14/2005

Dell Inspiron 6000 with keyboard off

It’s not every day you’re going to see a brand new laptop under 3 months old cracked open like this. ;-)

The “L” key on my Inspiron 6000 keyboard is getting a little bit over-sensitive (you barely touch it and lllllllllllllllll appears), so I called Dell and ordered a replacement keyboard under warranty. It will arrive next week.

I did a Google search and found that the way to detach the Inspiron 6000 keyboard is fairly straightforward. First, remove the top bezel. This is where the power button and top lights are. You push the LCD screen all the way back, then “crack” off the bezel, which goes from right-to-left, starting with a small indentation on the far right side which is just large enough (by design) for a standard flathead screwdriver. You use the screwdriver to slowly crack it off.

Once off, there are two black screws at the top. Unscrew these, then the keyboard top lifts up, then pull back. The result is what you see in the photo above.

One thing I truly love about Dell chassis’ is that they are extremely easy to work on. This keyboard connects with a single ribbon connector (see the blue part in the photo) that pulls right out. Pull out, put in new board, two screws, snap back on bezel, done deal. Total job time, about 5 minutes.

– edit –

And yes, most people FREAK OUT when they see a laptop taken apart like this. When I used to work for Unisys doing Dell repairs, I would see people’s faces light up in horror as I cracked apart laptops to repair them. You should see people’s terror when replacing an LCD screen. (tee hee)

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